Forgiveness - A journey of compassion and courage

I wanted to share a story from my own experience.

There came a time in my life when I had to look inward, really look, and accept my own faults, and in doing so, begin to accept the faults of others too. I have come to believe that one of the greatest gifts we can offer ourselves is compassion. And through compassion, forgiveness often follows.

When we treat ourselves gently, recognising that we all make mistakes, it becomes easier to feel that same softness toward others. With compassion comes the willingness to let go of blame. Not because what happened was okay, but because holding on to blame only keeps us stuck.

I learned that blaming others never brought me healing. In fact, it distracted me from it. It stopped me from seeing the opportunity within my own pain, the chance to grow, to transform, and to take responsibility for what I could change in myself.

We often see our past as a series of mistakes. But if you look at the word “mistake” differently as “mis-take” it becomes a missed opportunity, not a failure. And in the theatre of life, there will always be another take.

What Forgiveness Means

Forgiveness is not the same as approval. It does not mean condoning harm, pretending nothing happened, or asking the person who hurt you to stay in your life. It is a personal decision to release resentment and loosen the hold that pain has on your thoughts, emotions, and peace of mind.

Forgiveness can also mean forgiving yourself. Self-forgiveness asks us to meet our mistakes with self-compassion instead of harsh judgment, and to recognise that healing often begins when we stop punishing ourselves for what we could not yet understand or change.

In this way, forgiveness is less about forgetting and more about freeing. When we choose to forgive others, we shift attention away from negative feelings that keep us tied to the past and toward a more grounded sense of mental health and inner calm.

To forgive another person does not necessarily mean reconciling with them, or expecting an apology for what happened, or trusting them again. It can be a quiet, private choice one that belongs entirely to you that helps you move forward, even when the other person never changes or acknowledges the harm.

From Victimhood to Self-Worth

In my own journey, I lived in a space of deep hurt and victimhood. I asked myself often: Why did these things happen to me? I experienced abuse in many forms for years. And for a long time, I stayed in it. Not because I wanted to suffer, but because I didn’t yet believe I deserved better.

It wasn’t until I started to reclaim my sense of self-worth that things began to shift.

I had to believe I was worthy of more. That I was allowed to say no. That I could stand up for myself. That I was allowed to love and protect the little girl inside me, the one who hadn’t been heard or respected for so long.

Healing didn’t happen overnight. It took deep reflection, healing, and the support of many healing tools. But eventually, I was able to move from feeling powerless to feeling purposeful. I no longer let others control my path. I stopped seeing myself as a character in someone else’s story and began to step into the role of producer of my own life.

Now, I see the people and experiences in my life as mirrors, not enemies. Their presence has helped me see where I still had wounds, and also where I had strength. What once felt like darkness became a doorway to light.

How to Forgive

There is no single right way to forgive, and it is not something that can be forced. For some people, how to forgive starts with acknowledging the hurt honestly. For others, it begins with choosing not to replay the old story in the mind again and again.

If you are trying to forgive someone who wronged you, it can help to remember that forgiveness is about your healing first. You do not have to excuse the behaviour, apologise for your pain, or ask for forgiveness from the person who harmed you unless that is something you freely choose.

Sometimes forgiveness grows slowly as the grip of blame softens. Sometimes it arrives after grief, anger, or tears. And sometimes it begins with one small act of self-forgiveness.

A simple way to begin is to notice what you are feeling without judging it. Naming hurt, anger, sadness, or fear can make it easier to understand what needs care. From there, compassion may open the door to letting go, little by little, at your own pace.

What Forgiveness Means

Forgiveness isn’t about condoning harm. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip of the past.

And sometimes, the person we most need to forgive is ourselves.

Forgiveness can’t be forced. But in time, as we move through blame, grief, anger, and all the other parts of healing, something softens. And when we forgive even a little, we reclaim the energy we’ve been giving to pain.

We spend so much of our time caught in the past or worrying about the future. But the event doesn’t exist there anymore, not at this moment. If we stay present, we may notice the pain is actually in our thoughts, our memory, our mind. It’s no longer happening now. That’s powerful to realise.

So if the old reel starts to play, the mental movie of what happened, try gently pressing “delete.” If that chapter has no more to teach you, you are allowed to let it go.

A Note from My Heart

There’s no perfect roadmap for healing. But I’ve learned a lot through my own journey, and it’s my greatest honour to hold space for others walking their own path.

If you’re feeling stuck, unsure, or overwhelmed, please know you are not alone. There is no shame in reaching out. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means remembering differently. And with love.

Benefits of Forgiveness

One benefit of forgiveness is that it can create more room for peace of mind. When we stop feeding resentment, we may find more space for clarity, compassion, and emotional freedom, which can also reduce depression and anxiety.

Forgiving others can also help reduce the inner strain that comes from carrying hurt for too long. It does not erase what happened, but it can change how much power the past holds over the present.

For many people, benefits include a gentler relationship with themselves and a deeper ability to move forward without being defined by what hurt them.

Benefits of forgiveness may also include less emotional rumination and a softer inner dialogue, which can support overall mental health. Even when the hurt remains part of your story, forgiveness can reduce negative feelings that keep replaying the same pain.

A Final Thought

I believe peace starts and resides within each of us. When we find even a moment of inner peace, we add to the collective peace of the world. Healing ourselves is not selfish, it’s a sacred act that ripples outward. Forgiveness is one of the many pathways to that peace.

If you're ready, here are some gentle questions you might reflect on:

Reflective Questions for Your Healing Journey

What would self-forgiveness look or feel like for me right now?

Am I holding on to something from the past that’s asking to be released?

Where in my life am I still blaming others and how might that be affecting me?

What part of myself is asking to be heard, seen, or honoured with love?

Is there a belief I carry about myself or others that no longer feels true?

What does forgiveness mean to me beyond what I’ve been told it should mean?

How can I offer myself compassion in this moment, without needing to fix or change anything?

If I could speak to my younger self right now, what would I want to know?

What would it feel like to see myself as the creator not the character in my life story?

What am I ready to let go of, even just a little, today?

🌸 If this resonates with you and you are ready to take a step toward healing, I would be honoured to walk beside you. I offer gentle, grounded support through transformative healing and channelled guidance. You are welcome here just as you are. Find out more about Healing with Leah

Love, light, and eternal blessings,

Leah